I received this email in my inbox the other day. I almost archived the generic form letter instantly…

This one especially caught my eye though. For such a short email I saw a number of good lessons to share on how to make sure your next promotional email gets noticed for the right reasons.

Bad Sales Pitch Email
Guys, you’re better than this!

Sales Pitch Gaffs In This Email

  1. “Hi” isn’t enough – Highlights a lack of personalization in both the subject & salutation
  2. “Your web app” – Again, not personal. My app name is in my email address, this isn’t tough to locate
  3. “For free” rarely helps – Pitching something for free in this context reduces credibility instead of getting me more excited
  4. Don’t CC everyone – Including a CC list of 100+ addresses is insulting at best. If you have to send a mass email use BCC, an email marketing service, or actually compose a 1:1 personal email
  5. Use Your Name – Relationships sell, and I can’t build a relationship with a generic company I know nothing about and has no personality
  6. Tell me why – Give me a reason – any reason, get creative – why this unsolicited email showed up in my inbox

While it’s quicker to write a single mass email and send it to 100 people vs. individually crafting 100 unique emails, what’s the point if every one of your mass emails ends up in the trash?

Look back over this list and the theme is clear. Be personal and create a unique connection to the person you’re pitching.

What about you? Do you see any other errors in this pitch?

UPDATE: I reached out to the team over at WebMenu to share this advice and they were very receptive to the feedback. Got to give them the kudos for being open to improving!

4 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With This Email Sales Pitch?

  1. Great Examples of quick fixes.

    The best way this pitched would have been improved is by reversing the roles (which they are already doing with the “For Free”.) Ie, the could flatter you some, but then really sell how they can help you to help them.


    We’ve seen some great stuff coming out of Less*****. We’re trying to showcase some of the best web companies that we’ve found and you’ve made the cut. Let’s make this a win-win, a listing on our showcase is going to bring you customers, and (even though we’re not charging you anything) our readers are going to love us when they start using your app.

    • It’s a relatively minor change but with a big impact. I agree.

      Simply mentioning me or my company by name can go such a long way.

  2. Jeff, I just want to say thanks for the golf app. I purchased the Pebble Steel on Feb. 11 so I’m still waiting for it. However, I purchased the Pebble exclusively for your app. I use a gamegolf device and it tracks scores but does not show me anything until I get home and upload the data. Your app allows me to keep score in the simplest way and makes a great companion to the gamegolf device. Thanks! (I hope it works out as well as I hope since I do not actually have the watch in hand yet.

    • Glad to hear it Bob and I’d love to hear what you think of the steel (I have the original Pebble only).

      Looking forward to the app feedback once you’re able to try it out. And hopefully you’re in a climate that lets you take advantage of it now instead of a few months from now!

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